1 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,623 Good evening. 2 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,425 Do you enjoy assembling your own high fidelity 3 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,864 or stereophonic sound systems, 4 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:36,392 with their complicated components and speakers on every wall? 5 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:41,268 Then you'll be especially interested in what I'm about to show you. 6 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:46,040 I have just developed what I consider the latest in sound reproduction. 7 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,108 This is designed for those persons who desire simplicity 8 00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,118 rather than fidelity. 9 00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:55,780 As you can see, there is only one speaker. 10 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,621 Nor is that the only improvement. 11 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:02,492 We have also eliminated the old-fashioned record changer. 12 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,589 Now, only two attachments are necessary, 13 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,193 a small crank and a hearing aid. 14 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:13,433 By the way, neither of those items is needed for our next number. 15 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,049 Yeah? 16 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,288 All right. The police caught her outside of the house. 17 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,523 What's the charge? 18 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,222 (CHUCKLES) 19 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,495 Drinking in public view? I don't know. Maybe I can get something out of it. 20 00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,263 Thank you very much. 21 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,569 (PHONE RINGING) 22 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,441 Everett here. Yeah. No, I'm not too busy. 23 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:52,103 I got a little story to knock out, but I can do it later. 24 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:54,170 Uh-huh. Okay, Cargan. I'll be right in. 25 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,684 What's up? 26 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,059 You know Barney Welsh? 27 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,928 Never heard of him. That much? 28 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,660 He runs a tavern right across the street. 29 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,001 I've seen you in there 100 times. 30 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,664 Yeah, I know him. He mixes a pretty good drink. 31 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,573 Look, you asked me a silly question. I'm gonna give you a silly answer. 32 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,042 What about him? 33 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,671 He just called in a tip on what might be a story. 34 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,841 Says there's a guy over there claimed he's a Martian. 35 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,681 A Martian? You mean, from the planet Mars? 36 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,517 That's what he says. 37 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,818 Barney thought there might be a gag story in it. 38 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:41,521 He's gonna keep him over there till we get somebody over there to talk to him. 39 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,926 You're the boss. I'm on my way. 40 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,931 Hey! No drinks on the expense account. 41 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,265 What about the drinks I've got to buy him to make him talk? 42 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,805 All right. But don't go overboard. 43 00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,434 All right. 44 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,812 Hello, Barney. Did you talk to Cargan? 45 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,860 Yeah. Guy at the end of the counter. 46 00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,796 Don't you think he's drunk? 47 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,334 Didn't seem so. 48 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,802 I'd say he was cold sober when he walked in. 49 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,840 That's only the second glass of beer he's had here. 50 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:31,174 (CHUCKLES) Well, look, Barney. He's either kidding you or he's crazy. 51 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,235 Sure didn't sound like he was kidding. 52 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,782 Sounded serious and plenty worried. 53 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,681 Well, then he's crazy. 54 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,412 I guess. Don't know what else. 55 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:41,955 Listen, Barney, I'm gonna walk down and brace him. 56 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,457 Now, when I sit down, you bring down a couple of beers. 57 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:45,958 That is, if he'll talk to me. 58 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,824 He'll talk to you, all right. 59 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,794 I already set it up for you. 60 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,627 Good. Now, what did you tell him? 61 00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,191 Did you tell him I'm a reporter, or what? Nah. 62 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,294 Just told him I had a friend who was a real smart guy 63 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,306 and could give him good advice about what to do. 64 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:04,241 He might clam up if you tell him you're a reporter. 65 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,438 Well, as long as you were good enough to set this up for me, 66 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,845 then I got time for a shot. Hmm? 67 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,951 Here's how. 68 00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,052 (EXHALES) 69 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,188 One more of these, and I'll be ready for the Martian. 70 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,254 Sure, Bill. 71 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,061 How much did he tell you? 72 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,370 That he's a Martian. 73 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,632 Oh! 74 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,264 Well, did he tell you how he got here on Earth 75 00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,035 or how long he's been here? 76 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,872 Hasn't an idea how he got here. 77 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,774 As for when, about two hours ago, he says. 78 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:41,971 Mmm. 79 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:43,608 Yeah. 80 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,945 Did he tell you his name? 81 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,887 Let's see... Yang something. 82 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,321 Oh, yeah. 83 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,749 Yangan Dahl. 84 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,261 (WHISTLES) 85 00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:58,389 Yeah, well, I bet that's not the name on his driver's license. 86 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,593 Well, here goes nothing. 87 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,864 Mr. Dahl? My name is Everett. You know, the man that Barney mentioned. 88 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,497 Oh! Glad to meet you, Mr. Everett. Well, sit down. 89 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,768 What'll you have? Bartender! 90 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,173 Don't bother. I already ordered two beers before I came over. 91 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,608 Well, thanks. 92 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:12,668 Um... 93 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,181 Please don't call me Mr. Dahl. 94 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,080 We don't use titles, and it sounds strange. 95 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,919 Call me Yangan or just Yang. 96 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,680 Well, all rightee, Yang. 97 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,283 I'll tell you what. Why don't you call me Bill? 98 00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:28,822 I don't like formalities, either. 99 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,630 You'd better take the rest of this. 100 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,567 Do you drink beer on Mars? 101 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,998 Oh, no. Nothing alcoholic at all. 102 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,974 Alcohol is poison to a Martian, even in very small quantities. 103 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,012 Well, how come you're drinking it now? 104 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:50,506 Because this isn't me you're looking at, Bill. 105 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,246 This is somebody else's body I suddenly found myself in. 106 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,687 You speak pretty good English. 107 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,525 Well, it's because of this body I'm in. 108 00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:05,961 I'm not him. 109 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,026 But I've got his memories besides my own. 110 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,565 I know everything that he knew. 111 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,405 That includes his language. Your language, of course. 112 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:19,246 Well, if you have his memories, you must know his name. 113 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,609 Well, sure. 114 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,173 Howard Wilcox. 115 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,879 Well, you wouldn't have anything to verify that, 116 00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:29,286 you know, like identification, driver's license or something? 117 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,324 Well, I don't need it. I know. 118 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,020 But if you want proof, 119 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,859 driver's license on top, other cards under it, social security, 120 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,233 couple of club memberships, things like that. 121 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:45,961 Hmm. 122 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,167 Howard Wilcox. 614 Brynmawr Street. 123 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,240 Is that your address? 124 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,780 It's Howard Wilcox's address, yes. 125 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,184 And, of course, I remember it because I remember everything that he knew, but... 126 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,945 I'm not Howard Wilcox. 127 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,185 And I don't want to talk about him. 128 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,124 I want to talk about me, the real me. 129 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,627 Not this body I'm in. 130 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,800 But can I ask you a question first? 131 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,166 Shoot. 132 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,179 Are you a doctor? 133 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,013 I know the bartender thinks I'm crazy. He was nice about it, 134 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,179 but I can tell he thought so. 135 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,052 Did he send for you because you're a doctor? 136 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,386 (CHUCKLING) No, I'm not a doctor. 137 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,483 And I'm not a cop, either. 138 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:45,020 It's just that Barney knows I'm interested in psychology. 139 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,429 But you're not a psychologist? 140 00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:49,764 No, no. I work in an office about three or four blocks from here. 141 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:53,238 Yeah. I guess you could call me a lay psychologist. 142 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,434 Do you think I'm insane? 143 00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,910 Well, people who usually are don't wonder whether they are or not. 144 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,438 Look, why don't you just start from the beginning, hmm? 145 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:03,641 Well... 146 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,680 I'll start three days ago. 147 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,722 Three days ago, I was on Mars. I was a Martian. 148 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,628 I am a Martian, I mean. But... 149 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,258 (SIGHS) 150 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,132 This isn't my own body I'm in. 151 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,304 My own body is nothing like this one. 152 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,569 I'm about eight feet tall. 153 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,305 Your method of measurement. 154 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:40,215 Six-fingered hands. The fingers jointed differently from yours. 155 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,617 (SIGHING) 156 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,681 This body I'm in, it frightens me. 157 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,056 It seems awkward to me. 158 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,359 You sure described yourself, or Yangan Dahl. 159 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,695 And three days ago, you were on Mars. 160 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,425 Go on. 161 00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,038 Well, three days ago, they stopped bringing me food. 162 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,704 I was locked in a place... 163 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,610 Well, it was something like what you'd call a jail. 164 00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,646 The window was barred, but you could... 165 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,180 You could see the street outside. 166 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,341 Mmm-hmm. 167 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,083 (CHUCKLING) 168 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,784 It had been a busy street. Hundreds of people walking by in an hour. 169 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,887 Sometimes I used to count them. 170 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,296 Just to pass the time. Make a game of it. 171 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,668 Trying to guess how many'd go by in the next hour 172 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,868 and then count them to see how close my guess had been. 173 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,440 That morning there was no one on the street. 174 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:44,274 Empty, deserted. 175 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,487 And no one came to feed me. 176 00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:52,052 And I got hungry, and I yelled and pounded on the door, 177 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,116 but nobody came! 178 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,788 Yeah? Well, how did you manage to get out? 179 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,195 It took me almost three days. 180 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,035 I managed to pry a stone out of the floor. 181 00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:12,607 And then more of them, until I had an area big enough to start digging. 182 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,738 And I tunneled under the door. 183 00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:15,804 Yeah? 184 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:16,872 (SIGHS) 185 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,011 I was starving by then. 186 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,682 I went to the... You'd call it the kitchen. 187 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,352 Found food and ate it. 188 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,124 The whole building was deserted. 189 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,057 There was cooked food on the stove, cold. 190 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,599 Big piles of dirty... Our equivalent to dishes. 191 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,675 They just walked off and left everything. 192 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,843 Well, I went outside and wandered around the city. 193 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,878 It was Skar, one of our big cities. 194 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,822 It had well over a million people. 195 00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,421 Uh, what is the population of Mars? 196 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,922 Oh, about 100 million. 197 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,294 That is, there were that many. 198 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,038 Millions are dead now. 199 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,713 I found them, finally. 200 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,813 All in one place. 201 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,380 Their bodies starting to rot. 202 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:29,978 Well, uh... 203 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,716 What killed them? 204 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,323 I don't know. 205 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:41,156 It wasn't krill. That's the disease that was killing us off. 206 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,666 It came from the winds off the deserts, 207 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:45,568 and our scientists couldn't cure it. 208 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,871 It had made Mars a dying world. 209 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,204 A dying world with 100 million people. 210 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,840 Oh, yes. You see, only a few generations ago, 211 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:57,440 there were about five times as many of us. 212 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,747 Half a billion instead of 100 million. 213 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,248 But at the rate krill was killing us off, 214 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:07,224 there wouldn't have been any of us at all in a generation or so. 215 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,531 Let's have a couple of more beers. 216 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:13,589 Barney! 217 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:14,724 All right. 218 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,702 Oh, let me pay for this one. There's plenty of money in this wallet. 219 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,501 No, that's all right. I've got a company tab here. 220 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,665 Oh, thank you very much. 221 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,075 You were saying that the population of Mars was dying. 222 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,634 Yes. 223 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,875 (PINBALL MACHINE RATTLING) Oh. 224 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,911 Uh, where was I before I got on the population angle? 225 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,544 You were walking through the streets looking for people, 226 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,418 and you couldn't find a soul. 227 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:36,649 The city name... 228 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,849 Oh, Skar. Yes, that's right. 229 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,483 Well, I found a targan and I took it... 230 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,549 Found a what? 231 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,595 A targan. Something like an airplane, 232 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,357 on a different principle, of course. 233 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,524 The air on Mars is too thin. 234 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,294 All right, you took a targan where? 235 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,394 To Undanel. That's our biggest city. 236 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,269 You'd call it the capital. 237 00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:57,105 I didn't see anyone there, either. Not until... 238 00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,541 Until what? 239 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,172 Well, I had an idea. Although I didn't know what the idea was. 240 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,946 I took the targan up again, and I headed it for the big ceremonial field 241 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,509 north of Undanel. 242 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,690 (BUZZING) 243 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,282 And there I found them. 244 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,588 Them? 245 00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:16,022 (MACHINE DINGS) 246 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,257 Yeah. The other Martians? 247 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,321 Yes. 248 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:21,360 It's a big field. 249 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,426 And we're all there. 250 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,174 Like I said, their bodies starting to rot. 251 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,108 I still don't know what killed them. 252 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,610 (EXHALES) 253 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,082 Well, you mentioned some disease earlier, that was killing them off. 254 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,777 What was the name of it? 255 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,250 Krill? 256 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,981 Yeah, krill. Maybe it was that. 257 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,856 When a Martian dies of krill, his body doesn't rot. 258 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:49,184 It withers. 259 00:13:57,070 --> 00:14:00,165 In the middle of the field, there was a platform 260 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,068 big enough for me to land the targan on it, and I did. 261 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,410 And in the center of the platform, 262 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,244 there was a tall column of copper. 263 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:14,212 Copper on Mars is like gold or platinum on this planet. 264 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,118 There was a button in the column, 265 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:23,321 and slumped at the foot of the pedestal was the body of a priest. 266 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:28,868 Almost as though he pressed the button and then died. 267 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,004 You mean mass suicide? 268 00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,561 Oh, no. 269 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,241 A Martian never commits suicide. 270 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,072 To us, it's a terrible crime. 271 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,443 I leaned over the priest's body 272 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:46,916 and pressed the button. 273 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,478 And... 274 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,658 And? 275 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,958 And in this body, I was walking along a street, 276 00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,754 here on Earth! 277 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,027 Sit down. 278 00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:03,358 (SIGHING) 279 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,939 How did you know you were on Earth? 280 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:10,237 Because I had this Howard Wilcox's memories, too. 281 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:13,939 And I was confused. I walked and wandered, 282 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,675 trying to straighten things out. 283 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,750 And then I... This body got thirsty. 284 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,392 I was passing here and came in. 285 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,654 And I couldn't stand it any longer, 286 00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,129 and I started to talk to the bartender over here. 287 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,368 You all right? 288 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,841 Yeah. 289 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,379 Did you tell the bartender everything you told me? 290 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,778 Oh, no. Just the start of it. 291 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,379 He told me to sit down and wait and he'd call you. 292 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,749 End of story? 293 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,946 Yeah. 294 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,889 Well, it's been a pleasure. 295 00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,515 Well, what am I gonna do? 296 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,061 Look, why don't you call your wife? 297 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,587 Why should 1? It isn't my home. It's Howard Wilcox's. 298 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,635 Now, look. Howard or Yangan or whoever you are. 299 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,193 Right now, there's a woman sitting home, and she's worrying about you. 300 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:14,103 The least you could do is call her and give her an explanation. 301 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,642 But I'd have to tell her the truth. Martians don't lie. 302 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,804 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. But humans do. And especially to their wives. 303 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,905 I mean, let's face it, man. Whether you're part Martian or not... 304 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,918 Whether you're part Martian or not, you're also a part Earthman. 305 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,582 You've got Howard Wilcox's memories. Now, what would he do? 306 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,523 Well, call, of course. 307 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,563 But you mean I should pretend to be him? Act like him? 308 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:38,891 Howard, 309 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:43,065 possibly a man, a Martian named Yangan Dahl, 310 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,229 did die on Mars a few hours ago. 311 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,966 And somehow his mind got mixed up with yours at the time of death. 312 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,031 Now, I'm not saying this is what happened, 313 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:51,941 but it's not entirely impossible. 314 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,708 If you got to believe something, believe that. 315 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,075 Yeah, I see what you mean. 316 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,883 Why don't you call her? 317 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,457 But what can I tell her? 318 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,963 Well, what would Howard Wilcox tell her? 319 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,328 You can answer that better than I can. 320 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:16,892 Oh, I can say that I ran into an old school friend, 321 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,467 and we got talking and lost track of time. 322 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,804 That'll do it. Okay, listen. 323 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,811 Well, if it's gonna help you out any, I... 324 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,110 I can go along with you. 325 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,239 Would you? 326 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,306 Yeah. 327 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,382 You will wait, won't you? 328 00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:35,716 Yeah, sure. 329 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,832 Getting along with the Martian? 330 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,993 Yeah. He's quite a fellow. 331 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,729 He's in there, talking to his wife. 332 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,734 Wonder what story he's telling her. 333 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:57,933 (DINGS) 334 00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,487 HOWARD: You're sure you won't let me help you, dear? 335 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,321 Absolutely sure. 336 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,793 You two must still have a lot to talk about. 337 00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,124 What do you do, Mr. Everett? 338 00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:19,824 Oh, well. By preference I eat Wiener schnitzel. 339 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,095 But I'm a salesman. You know, men's clothes. 340 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:23,260 Oh, at a men's shop? 341 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,237 No, no. Wholesale. I travel, cover a lot of the Midwest. 342 00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:27,397 Must be interesting work. 343 00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:28,634 Yeah. Excuse me. 344 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,210 You're a lucky man, Howard. What a lovely wife. 345 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,376 Yeah. 346 00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:41,515 You married, Bill? 347 00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:44,056 No. No, not yet. Maybe some day. 348 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,319 Don't wait too long. You'll be sorry. 349 00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,518 Yeah. 350 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,855 Bill, I've been thinking. 351 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,469 The advice you gave me in that bar was very good. 352 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,301 I'm gonna take it. 353 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,568 Or try to. 354 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,905 Except for one thing. 355 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:05,907 Oh, what's that? 356 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,413 About not telling anyone. 357 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,216 I'm going to tell Elsie all about it, tonight. 358 00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,918 (CHUCKLING) Yeah. But what are you gonna gain by that? 359 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,424 Probably nothing. 360 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,123 That's not the point. 361 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,426 It's just that... 362 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,060 Well... 363 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,764 Elsie and I have never had any secrets from one another, 364 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,564 and I wouldn't like to start now. 365 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,940 Yeah, but what if she thinks you're insane 366 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,907 and wants to have you committed to an institution? 367 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,037 (SIGHS) I'll try and talk her out of it. 368 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,844 If she won't accept my explanation, maybe she might be right. 369 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,954 In other words, if she wants you to accept treatment, you'll do it. 370 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,012 Sure. 371 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,584 And there's another angle. 372 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:54,888 Yeah, what's that? 373 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:59,758 Well, look how much good it did me talking to you, Bill. 374 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,766 I think it would do me even more good to talk to Elsie. 375 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,233 After all, she's my wife. 376 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:04,667 Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 377 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,939 Maybe even to other people. 378 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,441 Maybe. 379 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,533 At least to a psychologist. 380 00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:14,443 Listen, Howard, before you make any decisions, 381 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:15,810 I'd like you to take a walk with me. 382 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,406 I want to show you something. 383 00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:18,541 Sure. What is it? 384 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:21,484 Well, it's gonna be a lot easier to show you than to tell you about it. 385 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,216 Look, why don't you tell your wife we're going out for some beer or something. 386 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,655 It won't take very long. 387 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,954 Well, if you say so. 388 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,357 Right. 389 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,654 Uh, honey, we're all out of beer and Bill would like some, 390 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,257 so we're gonna go out. We'll be right back. 391 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:37,132 All right, dear. Say, if you think you'll be wanting a drink later on, 392 00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,568 you better stop and pick it up. 393 00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,264 I used the last of the gin for the martinis. 394 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,068 Will do. Bye, honey. 395 00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:10,262 What... What is it? 396 00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:12,100 This is it. Come on. 397 00:21:57,516 --> 00:21:59,746 CARGAN: What was it, Bill? False alarm? 398 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:04,089 No. He was a Martian, all right. He didn't know we'd come here. 399 00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:07,252 He thought we were all dead. 400 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:15,757 What had happened? 401 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,496 Well, apparently he had a mental breakdown. 402 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,664 He was in an institution in Skar. 403 00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:22,435 Somebody slipped up and left him in his room. 404 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,239 Nobody bothered to tell him the score. 405 00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:27,211 But how did he find his way here? 406 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,769 Well, he finally got out of the room. 407 00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,579 He took a targan, found a mentacontrol, 408 00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:35,416 pushed the button. Had enough juice left to send him after us. 409 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:37,546 Did you tell him? No. 410 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:41,024 No, I couldn't trust him. I was afraid he might talk. 411 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:42,754 I had to kill him. 412 00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:46,323 You mean, you couldn't trust him with the truth? 413 00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,059 His IQ was about 20. 414 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:51,626 By our standards, that's about as smart as an average Earthman. 415 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:55,140 Luckily, he didn't know that Barney was one of us and had tipped us off. 416 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,641 What about the wife? 417 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,074 Did she suspect anything? 418 00:22:58,143 --> 00:23:00,874 No, not a thing. But she can identify me. 419 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,744 I think you better move me up to copy desk. 420 00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:05,807 It'll keep me from wandering around during the day. 421 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:08,650 All right. What about your evenings? 422 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,348 I'll stay in my apartment. 423 00:23:10,422 --> 00:23:13,414 It won't be for long. Just until we take over. 424 00:23:28,173 --> 00:23:30,642 Our next bit of science fiction 425 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:33,872 comes in the form of a one-minute commercial. 426 00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:36,471 After which, I shall reappear. 427 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:41,178 As for Mr. Everett, I should say that he was caught 428 00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:43,949 and paid his debt to society. 429 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:47,254 Except that the Earthman society, 430 00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:50,887 that loved to catch and penalize one another, 431 00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:54,661 ceased to exist after we took over. 432 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,002 We have taken over, haven't we? 433 00:24:01,874 --> 00:24:03,273 We haven't? 434 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:12,440 My fellow Martians seemed to have taken umbrage 435 00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:15,317 at my letting the cat out of the bag. 436 00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:21,790 However, I shall be allowed to return to Earth next week at the same time. 437 00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:27,927 We Martians have found that those not smart enough to be trusted, 438 00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:31,936 the ones with very low IQs, 439 00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:36,202 are still perfectly suited to appear on television. 440 00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,911 Our institutions are full of them. 441 00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:42,814 Good night.